What's your hearts Desire?

The question was asked...

I fumble with my cup as if the polished texture along the rim has a way of un-coding the english language... fingers tap.

so many words to choose from but what comes to mind seems to be short-ended:

In a flash my mind drifts deep into matters aligning closest to the heart. Wild as the wind, I loose my breath trying to catch up to with any
form of reliable
word from our linear language to capture a sequences that could make
even my exhale sound so thick with thought it missed the tongue.

I lean in for a second phrasing, i push the cup toward the other side of the table.

He pours the pot. "what is it that you want?" he asks a second time.


I dare not rush this process of uncovering the delicate and treacherous truths
of what i have conjured up in my mind to make perfect sense of
conversations i can only thread from pieces of captured memory given to
me by pacing forward prodigies- now diminished, shriveled casts in time
like glyphs etched in sequence framed for your ears to grasp a taste of,
my body moves a glimpse toward you. i have not touched these waters in
quite sometime for a fear of rocking the boat. why would i want anything
different? A flood of thoughts form equal questions forwarded back to
you. i want each piece collected, divided, organized to be
shared in fragments like frosting just a inch to the layers upon layers
unfolding each element to recombine regroup and produce another formed
inquisitive perspective of potentials that could relate to this question
to become just that simple... it is, all of it, and none of it.

When asked 'what is it that you want?', words like military blockages begin
to siege and a part of me retreats. its not that i am avoiding this
question, or waiting for someone else to give me the answer; far from
it. i am well educated, alert, and listening but something about that
question, those specific words that make my mind unravel like springs
from clock exploding from being wound too tight.

so why is it when posed with the simple question of want, my mind is vacant to any
thought structure? i wonder if it is because i am thinking too much at
once. So many wants they jam the pathways with their desire to
conceptualize, and I overload. Or maybe i edit myself before anything can
formulate; modifying and condensing rearranging and then never quite good enough. or
is the sheer and total fear that once i state what i want, i wont want it
anymore. a fear of the gigantic task of acknowledging who i am, what i am
capable of, and believing from the depths of my core that i am worth
it!!!

On the topic of self; i realize the power of manifestation through the words we speak and the actions we seek. i have always lead my life guided by my most high, following the important
influence of a faith from inside. A faith that can not be bought, taught or scrutinized by others. A faith of heart and the chance to rest deep there in all arising in this very moment... my hearts desire is to live that love in every experience, be it my truth fully and without apologizes.

To put it simply... What i want is now.